When you want something in life, you work for it.
When you love someone, you fight for that person.
Why it took her so much time to realize how much I loved her?
How much I still love her.
From the very beginning, I was honest with her. She always knew my thoughts and my feelings. I never hide anything from her. I never will.
I tried to keep my distance, so I won't hurt her. She never let me.
I tried warning her, so I won't disappoint her. But she wouldn't care.
I told her I'm just a “bus station” in her life… And she would just laugh at me.
When I realized I can't push her away, I started loving her with all my power.
Little did I know, she became everything I had.
I wanted to help her.
I wanted to take care of her.
I wanted to give her a roof, and I did it.
Helping her made me feel complete.
She completed me.
She was that missing piece I longed for.
We started renovating the apartment.
I couldn't care less about the color of the sofa, nor the table.
I just wanted to see the excitement on her face when I would agree to something she chose.
She would kill me if I didn't let her buy the aisle for the kitchen for me…
How could I deny and not accept it when she was begging me with such a sincere, lovely, and adorable face? Oh Lord, she was perfect.
I never thought I would be ready for a family. I couldn't even think of it…
But from the moment I met that soul of hers, I knew I wanted to create one with her.
For two of the best years of my life, I spent with her.
I loved her more and more each day.
If needed, I would give my life for her.
I believed she was the one.
But then it all changed. Our life suddenly became a mess.
We started arguing about every single thing.
We were fighting almost every day.
We started sleeping separately, in different rooms.
She would always tell me how every one of her birthdays was terrible…
And like I did it on purpose… I decided to get mad on her birthday. I did exactly what she told me she was scared of.
I didn't keep my word, even though she hated it.
I would do the opposite of what she wanted…
Then I left.
I was out of the country for a month. Business trip.
I don't know how I expected everything to be back to normal once I am back...
It was never going to be normal again.
Once I was back, we had a conversation.
I was trying to tell her that I want us to fix everything.
I was trying to tell her that I want a family with her.
I was trying to tell her that I want to love her forever.
But she already bought a ticket.
A one-way ticket.
She decided to go back to her country.
She already decided that she can't do this anymore.
I knew she was still in love with me.
I could see it in her eyes.
In the way, she would look at me.
I could feel it in the hug.
I could see her splitting herself in two.
She didn't have the strength to fight for us anymore.
She didn't have the strength to leave us either.
It was like a double-sided knife. You get stabbed anyway.
And she gave up on us.
She left me with the aisle that she bought.
With the wardrobe that she put together. Women… never enough space for so many clothes…
She left me surrounded with all those memories.
She left me with all the love I feel for her.
She left me with all my plans.
She left me with the idea of a future by her side.
She abandoned me.
She got on that flight.
I just experienced the hardest goodbye.
And little did I know; I will never love that way again.
Disclaimer:
The stories are seasoned with a lot of drama, and the characters are fictional because the drama starts when logic ends. ☺
留言