What is life? How do we get to live the life that we have? Who chooses our life? Are we creating it? Or is it someone's else choice?
What is death? Who decides when or how are we going to die? And what happens when you are dead inside? When you live like a robot. Just an empty soul in a body.
What happens when someone is dead alive?
It's like someone's cutting your legs and asking you to walk.
Taking out your eyes and asking you to see.
Taking out your heart and asking you to live.
How do you breathe when you are breathless?
Nonsense, right? How do you do the impossible?
And how do you live knowing that you've hurt someone? And not just a random person, but someone you love the most. Someone that meant everything to you. The only person that made you think about family. The only person you could see by your side in the future.
How do you live with all the guilt you are feeling? Because you are feeling it, aren't you?
How do you forgive yourself? How do you continue your life knowing that you've killed someone's soul? Broke his heart. Destroyed his dreams and hopes.
How could I do that? What was I thinking about? Was I thinking at all?
What happened with all the love? How could I betray him like that? How could I hurt him when all he knew is love me the most?
He will eventually forgive me, at some point. But how do I forgive myself?
Is that the reason I came to his life? To destroy him?
I hate myself for doing it!
I hate myself for hurting him!
I hate myself for betraying him!
I hate myself for not knowing how to love him as much as he did.
How could I get on that flight knowing that I'm leaving my heart and soul behind?
Knowing that all my dreams about a happy family, about a perfect life, about perfect us, are going to stay with him. Forever.
Waking up knowing he won't be by my side. Knowing, I won't listen to that voice calling me ¨βεβάκη μου ¨. Who's going to pronounce my name with all the emotions, as he did? The most sincere and honest “I love you, βεβάκη μου ”. The most adorable face, the safest hugs, and the protection I felt each time when he was hugging me.
With all those flaws and imperfections, he was still the best I've ever had. But I can't erase that. Any of that. I can't do the impossible.
*βεβάκη μου (read ¨veváki mou¨) - In Greek means “my baby”
Disclaimer:
The stories are seasoned with a lot of drama, and the characters are fictional because the drama starts when logic ends. ☺
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