Breathe

And only now does everything become clear to me.

I have so much love for you, but I didn't know how to give it to you,

I had no idea how to convey it to you.

I didn't know how to wrap you in it so that you could feel the warmth that I felt from your body. Every time.

With every hug.

Oh God!

I have a tattoo that says “breathe” and I had no idea how to breathe properly.

I have been breathing incorrectly for so long that now it has become normal for me.

And so many times you have told me “Breathe, my Oldze” and I never asked myself “But how?”

I never dared to ask you. Out of shame.

I never asked for clarification. I didn't ask for you to teach me. I didn't ask for help.

7 4 7, now I have learned. Breathe for 7 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 7 seconds.

I have learned to breathe properly.

I learned to calm my anxiety on my own.

I learned to enjoy it even when there is chaos around me. I learned to see chaos and not let it bother me.

I learned everything.

But I'm still learning how to live without you. That's a tough exam.

In the first semester, I started learning “how not to miss you”.

In the second, I'm working on myself. And I'm doing great.

In the third, I'll learn how to accept people as they are.

In the fourth, I'll learn how to properly give love to someone.

So, God willing, you'll come back to me by then, so that this time I can love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Inshallah

Inshallah (read “inshallah”) is an Arabic word that is quite often used by Muslims and means “God willing”.

Disclaimer:

The stories are seasoned with a lot of drama, and the characters are fictional because the drama starts when logic ends. ☺