Mateo's light

Chapter 1

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There, among all, she was shining. She was smiling. And as if that reflects on me. I'm smiling without realizing it.

And I keep watching her. Her happiness was transferred to me. I am filled with such great emotion, so incomprehensible. I immediately wanted to meet her. I went looking for her in the crowd of fake people. She told me that her name is Lucía and that I could call her Luz. I had the impression that she filled my life with the light that glowed from her. We started talking, and I felt like I'm talking to the mirror. How can there be so many similarities when I just met her? As if I was copied, cloned in the body of that woman.

She didn't live here. She was from another city. At that time, I didn't care about any of that. The fact that I met her was already more than enough for me.

As time passed, our communication was on the right path. Not to say perfect. But the distance began to drown me, to stress me out. Seeing her only on weekends was not enough for me.

I wanted everything with her.

I wanted to wake up next to her. See the brightness from her and not the one from the windows.

I wanted a goodnight kiss and a good morning one.

I wanted a ¨ see you later, an “I'll wait for you at home, love, when are you coming back?”, a “babe, I'll make myself a coffee, do you want?”

I wanted it all or nothing.

I panicked. I don't remember the last time I felt afraid, of losing someone, of not seeing someone, of not hearing her voice.

I was afraid of missing her.

I was afraid of falling in love and not having her close to me.

Not being able to touch her. Kiss her. Hug her. Stay in bed next to her and do nothing. Just stare at her. See the most beautiful face in the whole world.

I started thinking until I get lost. I fell into such a deep depression that I felt that every part of my body ached, every atom, every bone. My own thoughts suffocated me.

I started fighting with her because I didn't know how to handle this situation. There was no way to quieten my own mind. To calm the hurricane that was growing inside of me. I fought until I pushed her from my side, and I did it. I pushed her. I lost her. I lost the only light in my life.

Now I live in the dark. In the silence. In the loneliness.

I am in front of the mirror. I see my face, but it no longer smiles. There is no Light anymore, no shine, no emotions, nothing.

I look like a plastic doll. Only the shape of me remained, and what I was before I met her. The only thing that was left was an empty face, sad eyes, and a muted voice.

A soul that screams in silence and the screams can only be perceived by me. I want to scream synced with my soul, but no voice comes out, no noise, no sound or anything.

Not even a fake smile comes out. No false words. My inner voice comes out, yelling at me for letting her go.

I let go of my soul mate.

I let her go…

I let go of my Light…

*Luz – A Portuguese and Spanish feminine given name and surname, meaning “light”. The given name is shortened from “Nossa Senhora Da Luz”, a Roman Catholic epithet of the Virgin Mary as “Our Lady of Light”.

Disclaimer:

The stories are seasoned with a lot of drama, and the characters are fictional because the drama starts when logic ends. ☺